Friday September 25
Rupert Everett and I haven’t seen each other since we got together on the same team for a celebrity Comic Relief version of The Apprentice in 2007, and the movie star was so horrified by my craving to win that ‘he literally ran away after a day of filming, never to return.
In an interview with The Guardian a few years later, he called me a ‘killer’ and ‘pathological’, said I was ‘slobby and elephantine’ and expressed deeply offensive sympathy for my wife Celia: “ She is beautiful and very funny. I mean, she deserves to be ****** by god. I’ve always imagined him hanging like a parakeet under it all.
So, as you can imagine, there was quite a bit of tension in the air when we got together today for my Life Stories show, especially when I started reading all of his insults about me.
“Did I really say all of this?” Everett asked, shocked.
“Yes, Rupert, you did! I replied sternly.
He paused for several awkward seconds, staring at my outraged fake face in intense contemplative silence, no doubt fearing that he had stumbled into a horrific revenge trap, then he burst out laughing and exclaimed: ‘I am sorry! ”
It made me laugh too.
“To be honest, you weren’t entirely wrong in your assessment,” I admitted. “Apart from the parakeet, of course.
The rest of the show, which airs in the New Year, was awesome; like his hero Oscar Wilde, Rupert is a fabulously intelligent, witty and fascinating guy.
Wednesday October 7
Everett appeared on Loose Women and spoke about our Life Stories confrontation: “ I sat in the hot chair, ” he chuckled, “ and the first thing he said was: ‘ wrote about me. I was really embarrassed but we got over it and we are now best friends.
He added: ‘Piers is a lot like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde because in the morning [on Good Morning Britain] he’s a character, and in the evening on his life stories, he’s another character, he’s really… adorable.
Following this terrible blow to my reputation, a huge bouquet of flowers arrived. I was puzzled because no one ever gives me flowers – my PA Tracey is under strict instructions when people ask me which sign of gratitude I prefer, to firmly suggest a good bottle of French wine – apart from Kim Kardashian, who once sent me a 3 foot ceramic pot full of them to thank me for a column I wrote in his defense, and Drew Barrymore, who sent me a stylish spray to apologize for canceling an interview.
These were from Rupert, with a card that read: “Thank you for a great night, I loved it. Our rapprochement surprises me as much as it probably does for him.
Or maybe he’s just following Oscar Wilde’s advice: “Always forgive your enemies, nothing bothers them so much.
Thursday 8 October
I have sent copies of my new book, Wake Up, to famous friends in the hope that they will post some nice things about it on social media.
Everyone, when I asked for their home address, sent nice notes saying how much they would love to read it.
Rio Ferdinand (above), returned an immediate terse voicemail message this morning, saying: ‘No thanks buddy, do yourself a favor and give it to someone else who really wants it. ”
Aside from Rio Ferdinand, who returned an immediate terse voicemail message this morning, saying: ‘No thanks, buddy, do yourself a favor and give it to someone else who wants and loves it, read it. . No offense, mate.
I spent the whole day wondering what I had done to upset him. Then, at 6 pm, he sent another message, with his address and the words: “Nice one”. He had cheered me up.
This shouldn’t have surprised me considering that football’s most notorious prankster once got Robin van Persie – who broke my heart leaving Arsenal for Manchester United – to send me a signed photo of him – even kissing the Premier League trophy he won the following season.
Friday October 9
It emerged that GMB was the most criticized UK TV show during the March-August lockdown, with 9,019 protests to regulator Ofcom – 40% of the total.
Most focused on my “aggressive” talks with government ministers about their sad handling of the Covid crisis.
But Ofcom dismissed all of them, saying: ‘It is clearly in the public interest that broadcasters can hold those who make political decisions to account, especially during a major national crisis such as than the coronavirus pandemic. ”
GMB’s combative fencing has greatly exacerbated my already polarizing public image, and some of the abuse I receive on Twitter for sticking it to Boris and his cabinet of incompetents is breathtaking.
But as Churchill once said, “Do you have enemies? Well. It means that you stood up for something at some point in your life.
It’s not bad at all, however. This morning, while I was having breakfast at my local cafe in Kensington, a guy came up to me and said, “Thanks for keeping me entertained every morning.
Then he had take out coffee, and when he left, I was told that he had secretly paid my bill.
Amidst all the savage trolls of this tumultuous year, I was truly touched.
Whoever you are, thank you!
Sunday October 11
Every now and then my name pops up as a TV quiz question and obviously I invariably know whether or not I’m the correct answer.
But on The Chase this week, a contestant was asked, “ Discovered in Panama in 2018, a blind worm-shaped amphibian that buried its head in the sand is named after what man? ”
The three options were a) Nigel Farage, b) Donald Trump and c) Piers Morgan. And honestly, I had no idea if it was me.
It was somewhat of a relief to find out that the ugly, slimy 10cm creature was named Dermophis donaldtrumpi by environmentalists in recognition of the US president buried with his head in the sand over climate change.